Ben and I usually drink decaf coffee. After I came home from trying to take care of dad and mom, I was so stressed that the last thing I needed was caffeine. Last Wednesday I made our morning coffee with half caffeinated coffee, because we had run out of decaf in the house. There was more decaf out in the freezer in the shed, but, well, I was too lazy to bundle up to go retrieve it in the dark. So I ended up with a caffeine high that had me bouncing off the ceiling and walls and screwing up in the studio because my scattered mind couldn’t focus on any one thing while it was trying to figure out so many. I reminded myself of the way my caffeine-addicted father, who drinks coffee all day long, was acting so mindlessly when I tried to take care of him.
It was useless to try to work with that caffeine high, so we went cross-country skiing instead. It was cloudy and windy and the snow was really bad, but we had a great time. The sun was trying to peek through the clouds, sparkling off the snow and silhouetting the trees with backlight. The temperature was warm despite the wind and snow, and the mountains were spectacular with the grey-blue-white of the cloud-shadowed snow, the glimmering of the pallid, blocked sun and the trees waving frantically to us.
By the time we got back home my caffeine buzz was gone, but my nature buzz still had me high, though in a better way. I was able to work in the studio that afternoon without wreaking havoc, just happy to be living here in this world that some days seems so much like the fantasies I’m creating for printing on paper.